Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
