i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
