How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
