I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
