Duck Duck Cougar?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
