yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
