I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
