just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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