apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
