so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
