I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
