the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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