i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
