You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
When are your genitals available?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
