You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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