There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
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PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
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Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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