I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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