Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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