that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
