You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
