I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
