last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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