Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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