ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
