Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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