lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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