Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I will pee on everything he values.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
