It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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