I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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