i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
