i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
