I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize