I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
This toilet bowl is my home.
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