i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
