hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize