If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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