There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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