who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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