Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
