She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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