i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
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I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
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I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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