Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
