he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
