did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
