Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
