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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  no drinking for a week

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?

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• (845): View more from New York

  There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'

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