is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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