i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
