so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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