real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
