we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
