He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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