Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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