Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
