My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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