I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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