your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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