he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
