how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
