Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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