Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
