You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
