I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
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I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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