literally had 100 drinks last night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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