Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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