I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
