it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
