I want to have your abortion
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
