We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
