I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
